


softened by the snow of your heart

by Snowy_Cas



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Era, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Magic Revealed, POV Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Snow, winter in camelot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:20:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27952217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowy_Cas/pseuds/Snowy_Cas
Summary: It's winter in Camelot, and Merlin has been much quieter than normal.Arthur is determined to find out what's wrong and help Merlin in any way he can.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 105
Collections: WinterKnights 2020 - a Merlin Winter/Holiday Fest





	softened by the snow of your heart

Arthur first noticed something wasn’t right with Merlin when they were out on a hunt in the woods.   
Merlin had been rather quiet the whole trip, not cracking jokes as he usually did. Arthur didn't pay it much mind, for he just assumed Merlin was cold. The servant was shivering from the sharp breeze that cut through the bare trees of the forest and whipped through his hair. Winter had fallen upon them.    
Because of the chill, most animals were hiding in their holes or hibernating. The hunt had been rather fruitless so far, but Arthur was determined to catch something.

Twigs and dead leaves crunched beneath their feet as they advanced further into the seemingly empty forest.

“Just a little longer, there’s got to be something out here,” Arthur insisted and motioned with his hand for Merlin to continue on. When there was no response, Arthur turned around and tilted his head quizzically behind him. 

Merlin was staring off into the distance, at nothing in particular, eyes glazed and cheeks painted pink. It took a loud and deliberate cough from Arthur to snap him back into reality. Merlin blinked a few times, and scrunched his nose before he directed his attention to Arthur and asked, “Sorry, what?”

Arthur furrowed his brow. There was something on Merlin’s mind. He wanted to ask, to see if he could help at all, but Merlin was a secretive sort of person. There had been days in the past where Merlin was quieter than normal, and Arthur always did his best to cheer his servant up, but Merlin never told him what it was that was bothering him. There would be no point in asking. Besides, he didn’t want to stumble upon any matters that were  _ too _ personal; Arthur wasn’t good with feelings. Best to play it safe and leave Merlin alone.   
With a huff that was visible in the frosty air, Arthur responded, “We’re only going to be out here for a few more minutes, then we can go back to Camelot.” Merlin’s well being was more important than a measly rabbit they might happen upon. They needn’t stay out here any longer. The cold was even getting to Arthur, and he was wearing considerably more layers than Merlin. The poor boy must’ve been freezing. 

They walked together in silence for ten, maybe fifteen minutes. 

Only a single bird flitted through the long branches and quickly grew out of sight.

Merlin sniffed from behind Arthur. 

The prince turned and chuckled. “I think that’s our sign to head back,” he joked. Merlin squinted his eyes and leaned his head to the side. Arthur explained, “I can’t have my manservant catching a cold, now can I? Especially not when there’s much work to be done back at the castle.”   
“Ah, right,” Merlin muttered half-heartedly. “I suppose so.”

Arthur gave him a bright smile and laid a hand on Merlin’s shoulder, but his teeth were gritted and his grip was stiff. He felt Merlin shivering beneath his fingers, teeth chattering and hot breath clouding the air. 

“Let’s get you in front of a fire, yeah?”

Merlin nodded, and they turned to head back in the direction they came from.

Throughout the whole journey, Arthur tried cracking jokes and starting conversation. He gave Merlin nudges and soft punches to the shoulder, but the most he got in return was a sigh or a slight chuckle.

Merlin kept staring off at nothing.

He mostly looked at the sky.

It made Arthur look, too, to see what was so interesting, but there was nothing. In fact, it was the near opposite of interesting.

A vast colourless sky lay above them, enveloping the entire land. Stone grey clouds covered any sign of the weak winter sun that surely lay just behind but hadn’t appeared in weeks. The breeze had gotten even more abrasive, chafing the skin of Arthur’s face. He reached up a hand and touched it to his nose. It felt like ice to the touch. He quietly laughed to himself; it must’ve been bright pink. 

He glanced to Merlin, his face even pinker than Arthur’s most likely was. Merlin’s ears particularly were taking the hit of the cold. Arthur wasn’t surprised; they stuck out in a way he’d never seen anyone’s ears do before. When he’d first met Merlin, he’d been put off by his ears and thought he was quite a strange-looking fellow, but now there was almost an endearing quality to them. They were a little cute.

A smile spread over Arthur’s face before he shook it off and redirected his attention to Merlin’s mood and the weather, each equally dreary.

Arthur could see how this could be depressing for someone, but Camelot in winter had always been that way. 

Merlin wasn’t from around there, though, so he must’ve been used to different winters. Arthur had only visited Ealdor once, so he wasn’t sure what it was like there during the colder parts of the year, but he’d guess it wasn’t at all like Camelot.

Ealdor had been unique, with its own little quirks and ways about life. It wasn’t like any village he’d visited before, and he still hadn’t come across one that quite matched its spirit. 

And now that he thought about it, the same went for Merlin. 

He was definitely a unique person. 

Speaking of, the servant, walking just a few feet in front of him, was shivering even more than before. The sound of his teeth chattering was audible even in the wind filled air.

Arthur furrowed his brow and bit his lip. He couldn’t ask what was wrong, so there weren’t too many other options he had to cheer up Merlin, other than his default when he had nothing else to say.   
A joke wouldn’t hurt, at least.

“I’m surprised your ears haven’t fallen off yet!” he said with a forced chuckle and reached forward to flick one of Merlin’s ears.

All he earned was a breathy exhale.

So he tried again, “Turned to ice yet?”

No response.

Arthur let out a long breath. Perhaps Merlin was more down than Arthur thought. “Yeah, I know, I’m cold too, but I promise it’s not going to be much longer until we’re back, alright?” Arthur reassured him, making his voice as gentle as he could manage. Maybe jokes weren’t the way to go today. 

At that, Merlin sighed again, and Arthur was about to give up when it turned into something not unlike a laugh. “At least you’ve got more padding than the rest of us.”

Arthur could tell from the way Merlin spoke that he was smiling. It brought one to his own face as well. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he retaliated in mock hurt.

Merlin turned his head slightly, not looking at Arthur, but not so far that Arthur couldn’t see the curl of his lip and a mischievous glint in his eye. “I think you know what I meant.”

Arthur laughed and matched his pace with Merlin’s to tousle his servant’s hair playfully with a gloved hand. Merlin jokingly protested and tried to contort his face into an angry expression, but the brightness of his voice gave him away. 

“I’ll have you in the stocks for that one,” Arthur quipped as he took his hand from Merlin’s hair and gave him a sturdy pat on the shoulder.

“I’d like to see you try.”

Merlin’s mood had now lightened up, and with it, the sky. Arthur glanced up and saw some of the clouds had begun to dissipate and fade away, and he could catch a glimmer of sunlight peeking out from behind one of them. 

It still wasn’t enough to turn the weather, though, for Merlin still trembled from the chill. 

Arthur opened his mouth to say something, another joke, maybe, but bit his lip before any words could come out. Instead, he reached in front of his chest to undo the clasp of his cape and handed it over to Merlin, who looked up at him, confused.

With a scoff, Arthur explained, “You need it more than I do. Don’t think I can’t see you shaking.”

A deep shade of pink blossomed over Merlin’s cheeks and an uninterpretable look passed over his face, but he quietly thanked the king and took the red cape, his calloused fingers delicately brushing over Arthur’s. They were both blushing now.

Merlin draped the cape over his tense shoulders and instantly they relaxed.  _ Good _ , Arthur thought to himself. It was at least something. 

With his cape gone, the wind pervaded the chain of his armor more easily and the chill went through him right down to the bone, but he didn’t mind too much.

It was worth it to have warmed Merlin up.

The rest of the journey back was full of bickering and light conversation between the two. Arthur even managed to get Merlin to laugh a couple of times. As they neared Camelot, the weather grew less severe and Merlin grew more chipper. 

It must’ve just been an off day for him, Arthur thought. It was not an uncommon occurrence for Merlin, after all, but he was always better the next day. Arthur reassured himself that tomorrow, Merlin was going to be back to his usual wise-cracking self.

He couldn’t have been more wrong.

The effort Arthur had put in to make Merlin feel better seemed to clearly have not affected anything in the long run, for Merlin was as quiet, maybe quieter, as he’d been during their hunt, and he was like that the entire day, and the day after that, and the entirety of the next week.

Merlin completed his duties sluggishly and without a bounce in his step. He no longer responded to Arthur’s jokes, and generally avoided any and all conversation, even with Gwaine. 

Sometimes, Arthur caught Merlin standing in a corridor, laundry under his arm or a tray of food in his hand, staring out the window into the sky outside. As soon as he’d notice Arthur watching him, he’d quickly apologize and get on with whatever he was doing. 

Against his core values, it had gotten to the point where Arthur even asked Merlin about his feelings. That was something he’d never seen himself doing willingly. He was a little relieved when he got a simple  _ I’m fine, don’t worry about me,  _ but he couldn’t deny that it wasn’t the answer he wanted to hear. Any information about Merlin’s situation would be useful so that Arthur could help, but he didn’t dare press any further.

He did, though, turn to Gwen to ask her advice on the matter, once it had been over a week that Merlin had been in his emotional rut. 

He came to her one morning after Merlin didn’t greet Arthur as he woke him.

“What should I do?” Gwen was sympathetic on the matter, as she too had noticed the slump Merlin was in. 

“Have you tried talking to him about it?” she asked, concern glistening in her eyes.

They sat across from each other at the table in Arthur’s chambers.  In order to talk together candidly and alone, Arthur had sent Merlin out to clean the stables.

“Yes, on numerous occasions,” Arthur sighed, “but he doesn’t say anything.” Gwen gave him a skeptical look, and tilted her head as if to say  _ Are you sure? _

Arthur sat up straighter in his chair and huffed, 

“Really, I have!” 

The look faded, and Gwen nodded. She reached out and placed a hand on Arthur’s arm to calm him down and questioned further, “What has he said?

“Nothing, that’s the issue. He won’t tell me anything, so I have no idea how to help him.”

“Maybe talking about it isn’t what is going to help him with whatever it is, maybe he just needs time.”

“What do you mean?”

Gwen took her hand from Arthur’s arm and leaned back in her chair. She closed her eyes and breathed out slowly. Arthur felt slightly embarrassed, though he was thankful for her patience in helping him. She and Merlin had been friends for a long time, so she knew him well. Opening her eyes and smiling reassuringly, Gwen suggested, “Perhaps you should try giving him the day off, see if it does him any good.”

He hadn’t considered that before, but now it did seem rather obvious. “It’s possible that could help,” he admitted. 

“It’s worth a try, isn’t it?” she asked.

“I suppose it is, thank you, Guinevere.”

“Of course, anything for a friend.”

When Arthur took the proposition to Merlin, while he was delivering the day’s lunch to Arthur’s chambers, the servant was surprised. 

“The day off?”

“Yes Merlin, that’s what I said,” Arthur replied, bemused. “You’ve been working very hard recently, I think you deserve it.”

Merlin set down the tray in front of Arthur and raised one eyebrow. “I haven’t been doing any more than usual.”

“Well, I say you have.”

“Sire-”

The king held up a hand and Merlin cut himself off. With a slight chuckle, Arthur asked, “Are you turning down a day off?” Merlin shifted his weight and scratched the back of his head, looking away awkwardly. “Considering how much you complain about how I never give you one, I thought you’d be happy.”

“No, I mean-”

“If you really don’t want it, then I suppose you can keep working.”

“I want the day off,” Merlin snapped. 

Arthur blinked up at Merlin a few times, taken aback by the sudden bluntness. Immediately, Merlin averted his gaze again. He seemed to be expecting to be reprimanded, but Arthur merely nodded and said, “Good.”

”Alright,” Merlin responded quietly. “Thank you, Arthur.”

“Of course, now go on,” he said smiling, and gestured to the door.

Merlin nodded in thanks, then turned and left the room, closing the door gently behind him. His footsteps echoed down the corridor and away from Arthur, growing quieter and quieter until they faded out completely. 

Arthur breathed out a long sigh. He really hoped this was going to do the trick. Having Merlin back to normal was all he wanted, really. The past week had felt dull and rather, well, mundane. He never realized it before, but Merlin’s cheery attitude breathed much life into Arthur’s world, and with that being gone, everything was just so colourless. Getting through the day was a drag.

Arthur stared at his plate of food, resting his chin on his hand. As he did so, his thoughts began to drift. If Merlin came back the next day all chipper and bright-eyed, it would be wonderful, but Arthur still wouldn’t know what had put him in this state. He  _ wanted _ to know, just once. He never knew. The problem was there one day and gone the next, as if had never happened in the first place. He was tired of being left in the dark.

This time, Arthur was finally going to figure things out. 

With a determined huff, he got up from his chair and headed for the chamber doors, planning to catch up to Merlin in the hallway, when he stopped in his tracks. 

A single pair of footsteps running through the citadel echoed sonorously into the air and through the thin glass of Arthur’s chamber windows. Whoever it was, they were in a rush.

Arthur paused, his hand hovering above the door handle, and then decided to go and look out into the citadel below. He strode across his room and leaned close to the ice cold glass, peering down at a figure hurriedly making its way to Camelot’s gates.

Arthur brought his face slightly closer and squinted. It looked like…

It was. 

The figure may have been rather far, and growing smaller and smaller, but Arthur would recognize him anywhere. It was Merlin, all bundled up, going off to God knows where. He’d gotten there quick, too. He must’ve gone right down after leaving Arthur’s chambers.

Arthur furrowed his brow. Wherever he was going, it must have been somewhere important. 

In a flash, Arthur grabbed a dark brown hooded cloak from his wardrobe and was out the doors, on his way to follow Merlin. 

Throughout the whole way, Arthur managed to keep himself concealed. He kept his distance from Merlin, far enough to where Merlin wouldn't be able to see him, but close enough for Arthur to never lose sight.

The servant had gone past the gates of the kingdom and into the dreary forest that lay beyond the borders. He went through various twists and turns, between trees and over rocks, and Arthur had kept up with him. 

Clouds covered the pale sky above, creating a heavy sort of canopy. Like the first day, Merlin was quiet, the wind harsh and freezing. Arthur had to pull his cloak tightly around himself to keep his teeth from chattering. It was strange that Merlin was coming back to the forest, for the last time he seemed to be in no rush to return anytime soon. Arthur shrugged it off, though. Merlin was going to have a good reason. 

Luckily, the leaves on the ground were still damp from the morning’s drizzle of rain, making no crunch as Arthur treaded lightly. Every step was made with caution. He didn't want to reveal his presence to Merlin just yet. If the servant hadn’t told him what was happening earlier, would he really now? Arthur’s best chance was to merely stay quiet and observe. 

They walked through the bleak woods for several more minutes. The air froze Arthur’s lungs as he breathed in and out heavily, getting tired from the amount of time they’d been walking. Merlin ahead of him showed no sign of slowing down. He moved forward with specific intent. There was definitely  _ somewhere _ he was going.

Pushing on, Arthur continued behind. He wasn't about to be left behind by the servant, not after walking this far. 

Soon the trees began to thin out, growing farther and farther apart from each other. It began to lighten up, branches no longer clustering above them and blocking what little brightness there was. Ahead of them, in the middle of the forest, lay a mossy glade, its mottled green grass glittering with dew. Bare trees decorated the outskirts sparsely, their branches reaching out and casting faint shadows below. 

Merlin slowed his pace as he walked into the clearing, and came fully to a stop once he’d reached the center. 

He had arrived.

Arthur was able to deduce as much. He was tempted to go now and speak to Merlin, but instead slunk behind one of the larger nearby trees and pulled his hood further down above his eyes, trying to conceal himself as much as possible. He placed a hand on its cold trunk and leaned forward to observe his servant.

Merlin’s shoulders were slack, and he tilted his head up to the sky, eyes closed. He breathed in deeply, then exhaled. As he did, a warm smile spread across his face.

Arthur found himself smiling, too. It was the first time he’d seen Merlin do that in far too long.

Then Merlin bowed his head, and Arthur could no longer see his face. He shifted to the other side of the tree to get a clearer view.

His eyes were still closed, and he was still smiling. 

Merlin raised his arm and extended his hand out, palm up, as if expecting something to be placed in it.

Arthur watched with narrowed eyes. He’d never seen Merlin do something like this.

Then, before he could even comprehend what was happening, Arthur saw Merlin’s eyes fly open and flash, a brilliant gold taking over the light blue. 

A swirl of silver and white and blue swirled from his hand and delicately swirled into the air. It was so bright that Arthur could’ve sworn it was glowing. As the swirl of colours made its way up, it began to grow, dancing in the sky above Merlin’s head. The wind died down as the colours grew even more. They did this and did that. 

Arthur looked up in awe at the mesmeric array. He’d never seen anything like this before. It was incredible, and it came from  _ Merlin _ . 

Tearing his eyes away from the spectacle in the sky, Arthur looked at Merlin. He was still staring up with such a wide smile on his face and joy shining in his eyes. Then he reached his hand into the air and whispered, “ _ B _ _ esníwian _ .”

The swirls stopped, perfectly frozen, then shifted into something else. 

Arthur moved forward to see even better.

Where the colours had once been, was now a gentle flurry of snow. White snowflakes fell to the ground, sticking to the blades of grass and beginning to dust the branches of trees. Soon, the snow had spread all throughout the glade, even reaching parts of the forest beyond. It blanketed the ground in a fresh, crisp layer. The once grey sky was now a soft blue, sprinkled with white dots of snow. 

Arthur’s mouth fell open in awe as he looked about him. He’d seen snow before, but never like this, and never in Camelot. Birds tweeted overhead, apparently emerging from their nests to observe the change in their surroundings. Snowflakes gathered on Arthur’s eyelashes and tickled his nose. He looked down at his feet, a glistening white covering his boots all the way up to his ankles. The trees that were so dull and bleak had new life breathed into them, their branches heavy with snow, almost taking the place of leaves.

What made it all more lovely was the twinkling sound of Merlin’s laughter, ringing out into the bright air. Arthur had missed that sound.

He fixed his gaze on his servant, who was spinning in circles in the middle of the glade, laughing and laughing with such joy in his voice. He looked so happy, and so handsome. A powder of snow adorned his raven black hair and his cheeks were bright pink. He held out his hands to catch the snow.

Arthur softly chuckled, before the realization hit him and his heart sunk low in his chest.

Merlin did this.

Merlin had magic.

Arthur’s throat closed up as tears sprang to his eyes, and he nearly stumbled backwards from the shock that hit him. All the trust he’d always put into Merlin had been for nothing. He’d been lied to day after day, time after time. Merlin kept it from Arthur knowingly. 

Then everything hit him at once. This was why Merlin never told Arthur when something was wrong. It was why Merlin kept all those secrets Arthur knew he had but Merlin would never admit. It was why Merlin hadn’t spoken to him when asked what was wrong. 

But Merlin wasn’t evil.

He never showed any signs of malicious intent.

He was always loyal to Arthur, sometimes even to a fault. This couldn’t be right, could it? Arthur couldn’t deny that he saw Merlin perform magic right before his eyes, but, he had to admit, he saw nothing wrong with this magic. There was no harm caused by it. It had created something incredible. 

As Arthur watched Merlin in the glade, he thought to himself that maybe he had been wrong all his life. Maybe magic didn’t define a person.

Maybe it was still his Merlin. 

Arthur took his hand from the trunk of the tree and slowly walked into the glade, snow softly crunching beneath his feet. The sound alerted Merlin of his company, and he whirled around instantly. He froze when he made eye contact with the king. 

His smile quickly faded and his chapped bottom lip began to tremble. Tears welled in his eyes. “Arthur,” he shakily started, holding out his hands in front of himself in defense, “how much did you see?”

Arthur approached even further, keeping his strides slow as to not alarm Merlin. “I saw everything.”

Merlin let out a pained gasp and backed away a step. “Please, Arthur, let me explain. It’s not what you think,” he begged.

“You did this,” Arthur spoke in a hushed tone. “You made this, Merlin.”

“Yes, I did, but Arthur, please, you have to try to understand,” he hurriedly explained. “I was just-”

“It’s wonderful.”

Merlin stopped mid sentence. He stared up at Arthur, cheeks stained with tears, and scrunched his nose. He stammered, “W-what?”

“You heard me,” Arthur smiled genuinely. “I think it’s wonderful.” He was standing merely a foot from Merlin now, close enough to see snowflakes decorating his dark lashes. The white surroundings made a lovely contrast to Merlin’s blue eyes. He looked good even when he was crying. 

With a sardonic laugh, Merlin responded, “Have you gone mad?”

“No, why would you ask that?”   
“Because I have  _ magic, _ Arthur,” he said, his voice raw. “I did this with my magic.”

Arthur brought his hand to Merlin’s shoulder and gently gripped it. “It doesn’t quite take a genius to see that this,” he gestured to their sparkling surroundings, “isn’t something bad. Merlin, I love it.”

This time, Merlin’s laugh was warm and gentle as he asked, “Really?”

“Of course,” he brushed a tear away from Merlin’s face. “Is this what’s been bothering you recently? No snow?”

Merlin sighed, and shuffled his foot against the fluffy snow, grinding it into the ground. “Well, yeah, but it’s more than just that.” He scratched the back of his neck and turned away from Arthur.

He was closing off again. That was the last thing Arthur wanted. He truly cared about Merlin, and was going to do everything he could to finally find out what it was, and to cheer Merlin up, no matter what it took. After he brought his arm back down to his side, Arthur murmured, “Will you tell me about it?” Those were the same words he’d already asked Merlin several times this week, but it was worth trying them one more time.

With a sniff, Merlin faced Arthur again. He breathed out a deep sigh, then paused for a moment. Arthur waited patiently for him to speak. He wasn’t going to force Merlin to if he didn’t feel ready. After a few more seconds, he finally did.

“It’s just…” he started slowly, then glanced at Arthur, who gave him a nod, confirming he could continue. “Back in Ealdor-” Oh. Arthur knew where this was going. “-Will and I, well, whenever winter came around, we’d get a lot of snow,” he said. “We-”

He stopped, looking as if it pained him to speak. “We would always, ah, he and I-”

Arthur gave him a soothing smile and reassured him, “It’s okay, Merlin.”

“I just miss him so much,” Merlin choked out before he collapsed into Arthur’s arms sobbing.

Although he was taken aback at first, Arthur gave into the embrace. He pressed his cheek against Merlin’s and stroked his hair while gently telling him over and over, “It’s okay.”

They swayed back and forth slightly for another moment or two, their heartbeats in sync with each other and their breath warm in the icy air, before breaking apart. They kept their arms around each other, though. Their faces were in close proximity now.

Arthur couldn’t help but notice Merlin’s eyelashes again. The snow was falling more heavily now, meaning there were even more snowflakes resting on his eyelashes.

Merlin looked beautiful in the snow.

Arthur’s eyes flicked down to Merlin’s lips, then back up to meet the teary blue eyes staring back at him. Everything around them was dazzling, the way the snow made anything seem brighter than it was, how it swirled in flurries all around, the crisp smell in the air, but it couldn’t compare to Merlin. 

As they stood there in the middle of the snowy glade, Arthur had his second epiphany of the day.

“Merlin,” he whispered. Merlin leaned his head in ever so slightly. “I think,” Arthur swallowed hard before continuing, “I think I love you.”

He shut his eyes, not wanting to see whatever expression was on Merlin’s face. Arthur was terrified. He couldn't believe he said that. Oh god, Merlin was really going to think he was insane now, wasn’t he. He should’ve never said anything, he--

“I love you, too.”

Cautiously, Arthur opened his eyes to see Merlin grinning widely at him. The tears were gone from his face, and he chuckled, “I love you, Arthur.”

Arthur let out the breath he’d been holding in and laughed as well. He leaned in and pressed his forehead against Merlin’s. They both closed their eyes and Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin’s neck. 

“I also think I want to kiss you,” Arthur murmured. “Can I do that?”

He felt Merlin nod, and heard him say, “Yes.”


End file.
